Things I learned growing up in Texas...

[bulloncoins]

I got this email today from a friend who for many years, used to live here in Houston but who has since moved to California...

I laughed so hard because it is true...(but know that there is a reason people down here will leave a door unlocked, its because they know how to protect themselves and they have the means to do it)...








THINGS I LEARNED FROM BEING RAISED IN TEXAS

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road
with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Texas .

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000
live in Texas , plus a couple noone's seen before.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

'Twiced' is a word.

People actually grow and eat okra

'Fixinto' is one word.

There is no such thing as 'lunch.'
There is only dinner and then supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you
start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

'Backwards and forwards' means I know
everything about you!

Djeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'

You don't have to wear a watch because it
doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done
or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in hours. Like its 6 hours from Houston to Dallas.

You'll probably have to switch from 'heat' to
'A/C' in the same day.

'Fix' is a verb. Example: 'I'm fixing to go to
the store.'

You install security lights on your house and
garage and leave both unlocked.

Yes, Friday night high school football games is serious football!

You carry jumper cables in your car . . .
for your OWN car.

There are only four spices: salt, pepper,
Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and
international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm.'

We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer,
still Summer and Christmas.

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time
known as 'goin' to Wally-World.'

A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good
pinto-bean weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or
pop. . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example:
'What kind a coke you want?'

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . .
if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

And the most important thing we learn growing up in TEXAS is...

IN GOD WE TRUST

[Saul Mine]

Since so few residents of Arizona were actually born in the state, it has become necessary to set down a few guidelines about exactly when you can call yourself a Zonie.

You're a Zonie if:

- you can smell water.

- your chocolate has ever melted in the fridge.

- you notice the car in front of yours didn't go when the light turned green and you consider getting out to see if the driver is ok. It doesn't even occur to you to honk your horn.

- you don't wear a coat until March, and then you only wear it inside.

- you drive 200 miles so the kids can play in snow.

- you tell a new neighbor how great "sun tea" is, although you no longer make it for yourself.

- you know why a lack of rain in August is called "nonsoon."

- you can correctly pronounce "mogollon," "tinaja," and "Joe Arpaio."

- you know what "much grass" means.

- you know the names of at least three Mexican beers, and which is better than which (even if you can't actually taste the difference).

- you see a sign on the road that says "Next gas 104 miles" and your response is "No, they built a new station in the middle of that stretch."

- you read the newspaper to get new puns.

- you admire the neatness of the gravel in your neighbor's front yard (instead of grass).

- you sit in the yard to watch a rainstorm blow in.

- you tell people you have a "shade cactus."

- your house has been flooded by a rainstorm thirty miles away.

- you daydream about finding lost mines in the desert, but panic if the ac breaks.

- you can't remember the governor's name but you want to recall him.

- you thought Goldwater was a fine fellow, but you're going to call the airport "Sky Harbor" anyway.

- You don't know how to pronounce "Piestawa" and you don't care; that mountain is still "Squaw Peak".

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You're not necessarily a Zonie if:

- If you have a weeping willow in your yard, you're a displaced Brahmin.

- If you know who the man on the state seal is, you're a bookworm.

- If you think road runners go "Beep beep", you're a silly juvenile.

- If you drive a vehicle taller than yourself, you're just another yuppie.

- If you think it's normal to get water sprayed in your face at a restaurant, you're a bored dilettante.

************************************************** ************

Wearing pink jail underwear has nothing to do with being a Zonie, just like saying "cowabunga" has nothing to do with being a Californian.

************************************************** ************

Arizona factoids:

- It is against the law to kill a camel.

- Arizona has more boats per capita than any other state.

- Arizona once had a navy. Two boats were deployed on the Colorado River to defend the border against California. They promptly ran aground on a sandbar and California sent two boats to help get them off. Arizona abandoned its warlike ways after that.

- All those palm trees you see had to be imported. There are only a few dozen native palms and they are all in a tiny canyon out in the desert.

- The bolo tie is the official state neckwear, but it's rare to see anybody wearing one.

- The man on the state seal is Charles Poston, a pioneer who published Arizona's first newspaper and is otherwise pretty much forgotten.

- It is against the law to drive in reverse in Peoria.

- The first commercial building in Yuma was a whorehouse. It looked just like the ones you see in cowboy movies except that it was a lot smaller than you probably imagine. It stood on a hill over the river for over a hundred years, and nobody ever talked about it. A park occupies the space now.

- The Apaches stopped murdering tourists about 1960. One big reason they finally accepted civilization is that they really preferred sneakers to their traditional moccasins.

- 60% of newcomers move to another state within two years.